State of Origin Match report
March 30, 2000
Van Cortlandt Park, Bronx, NY

Final score: Victoria 9-6-60, Allies 5-10-40

Van Cortland Park -- The annual clash between the proud Victorians and the Allies took place this weekend. The Allies entered having won the previous two matches. With the television crew from Australia’s ‘A Current Affair,’ no ground permit, brand new goal posts, and imported AFL style water bottles, one could have thought they were Down Under at a country footy game.

Although it was a beautiful day, several players were noticeably absent from the match or were present and did their best to avoid the cameras. Former President Jeff Farnham revealed, “We have a good turnout today, 30 players, and it would have been even more if it were not for the cameras. Although no players are in show business per se, many of us have been featured on other TV shows, most notably, “’America’s and/or Australia’s most wanted. Others were obviously absent due to the conditions they must meet being involved in the “Witness Protection program”.

The Allies got off to a quick start when the guts forced the ball through to the forward line. Reigning two-time American best and fairest, Dougie Lewis, delivered the footy to newcomer Sam Reid who took a strong mark and began his magpie career by scoring the first goal of the 2002 season. However, the only time “guts” entered the equation for the Allies for the remainder to the first half was during quarter time breaks, where the previous nights’ activities left some players re-enacting Bruce Cameron’s epic performance at the 2001 Grand Final party.

The Allies early success was short-lived as they had no answer for the height and rucking ability of another promising newcomer, Andrew Bridges, who continually provided first use of the football to former Singapore footy star, Simon Walsh. Simon, new to New York, but obviously not new to the game, continually delivered the football “laces out” to the Vic’s forward line pair of Eric “Chucky” Kallhovd and Simon “Don’t hate me ‘cos I’m beautiful” Bell. Belly, who had an uncanny knack of knowing the location of the TV cameras, was the leading goal kicker on the day. In his post game interview for “A Current Affair”, he stated, “This club has not respected my abilities for years and since this is the final year of my contract, this shows that it will cost them to keep me around. Hey how did I look out there? I got a haircut and a facial just for this. Next stop Hollywood!”

Speaking of haircuts, or lack thereof, Magpies two-time Best and Fairest Shane “Smitty” Smith, AKA, “The Body”, AKA “Diesel”, tried to rally the Allied troops at halftime, with some motivational speaking during the break. Nic “The Phantom” Denyer was overheard asking “when did we recruit Austin Powers to play rover for us? Every time I look at him it reminds me of when I started playing rugby in the 60’s.”

After half, team founder, Eric “Chucky” Kalhovd, was forced to change jumpers due to the similarities between the North Melbourne and Magpies vertical strips; this camouflaging saw both teams delivering the ball to him in the first half. Forced to change from the jumper of his adulteress idol, Wayne Carrey, to pre-season Wizard Grand Final Champions, Port-Adelaide Power, he commented “Hey, I only barrack for the guy because his team’s jumper has a slimming effect on me.” Chucky attributed his renewed vigour to laying off the grog and devoting himself to all things healthy, wealthy and wise. Well, healthy anyway. “I have known Chucky for years and this was the first time I actually saw him run or jump when beer was not involved” replied Dennis “Hardman” Mullarkey and Kenny Carver.

The humanitarian awards for the day go to Sam Reid and Tommy Thompson for trying to help a seemingly innocent elderly woman walk across the oval just before the start of the second half. Allied coach and club President, Peter “Guzz” Gurry, on the sidelines with an ankle injury, later admitted that he had tried to sneak the cane wielding ringer onto the ground in an attempt to flood the forward line and make up some points. Once play resumed, the third quarter featured more of the same hard work from the Vic’s Guy Luminato, Simon Walsh, and first year American, Chris McIntyre. All had numerous touches on the ball and seemed to be running free all day.

2002 coach, James “Old Money” Paterson noted, “Overall the game was well played and showed the importance of fitness in the game of footy. Early season form proved once again that for most players the combination of New York winters and great restaurants are always responsible for a few extra off season pounds/kilos. Another encouraging result was the general lack of injuries at the end of the day, likely due to the absence of former President Dwayne ‘Turtle’ Mitchell, now in London. And with former Magpie legend Aaron Wood back in Australia, play was clean and no scuffles broke out.

This was a great day for the Magpies as the game introduced a number of new players from both hemispheres. Good teamwork and skill were shown both on and off the field. The 2002 season outlook promises to be as bright and red hot as the sunburn on the back of Doug Lewis’ neck and arms.

After the game the crowd moved to the South Bound pub across the road for a few drinks and then off to Dewey’s Flatiron Bar later in the evening. Dewey’s, the venue for the Magpies 2002 Australia Day function, featured jumper presentations and the boys knocking back a few Cooper’s beers.

Well done to our Marketing Director, Sean Keenan, for organizing the “A Current Affair” film shoot, and to the social club for organizing a terrific post match event. Also, a special thank-you goes out to the Current Affair crew, Tim, Kelly, Dave and Hugh for their interest in the club and footy in the U.S. We all look forward to seeing ourselves on the Tele, that is as long as they do not air any of the pre-match changing sequences (out-takes soon to be promoted on the E! network as “Footy Club’s Gone Wild”).

First game for the Magpies - Andrew Bridges, Simon Walsh, Andrew O'Flaherty, Marc Collela, Chris McIntyre, Charles Broner, Sam Reid, Ojas Desai, Neil Thakkar, Garth Velasquez

Team Players

Victoria: Andrew Bridges, Simon Bell, Simon Walsh, Eric Kalhovd, Andrew O'Flaherty, Bruce Cameron, Marc Collela, James Paterson, David Jones, Rob Kelly, Guy Luminato, Tom Thompson, Eric Lerner, Chris McIntyre, Charles Broner

Allies: Shane Smith, James Malackey, Sean Keenan, Nic Denyer, Dan Koral, Jeff Farnham, Steve Vuletic, Sam Reid, Ken Carver, Dennis Mullarky, Doug Lewis, Matt Barlaz, Ojas Desai, Neil Thakkar, Garth Velasquez, Peter Gurry